YEAH YOU WHITSUNPARADE

The grand finale of moers festival 2024: The ground is littered with the wheezing bodies of defeated villains, dirtbags and music criminals – AARGH! The Festival Hall has been taken over by Artistic Intelligence, the world has been brought back into balance in moving fashion. Rodelberg has been liberated from all supervillains – a lone minimal pianist has played himself into a perpetual trance. After a four-day superherolative spectacle, the ultimate festival fan challenge awaits the brave moers community: The great "YEAH YOU WhitsunParade" from Rodelberg to the city centre! YEAH!

Are you coming along too? YOU!

The background: The boss of the German Locomotive Drivers Union, Claus Weselsky, had called for an illegal narrow-gauge railway race through Moers. He wanted to show the city's inhabitants the fastest way to get from Rodelberg to the festival's terminal station "Die Röhre", and at the same time ensure that no trains could depart from Moers central station to travel back to the rest of the republic. HARHARHAR! After it came to light recently that Weselsky himself had been secretly driving a borrowed narrow-gauge train at night to test-drive potential routes and had even crossed bridges that were not designed to bear such loads in the process, suspicion initially fell on the moers festival organisers. Festival director Isfort was incensed and promised to confront Weselsky with evenly matched adversaries: "We're going to show Weselsky who's the fastest here!" he exclaimed, further provoking the GDL boss with the words: "Incidentally, my people drive for 7.2% lower wages!" The iron steed was more of an electrically-powered locomotive-like music machine, with ion loudspeakers, megaphones and virtually infinite space for luggage that could easily pull a whole flock of festivalgoers along all the way to the "Röhre". Lower Rhine gradients and departures would present no difficulty, allegedly. Autohaus Rheims, whose basic model is being put to good use here, works with innovative Namibian-Japanese batteries. The tuned vocal gland of super siren "Robbi" Brandhi – UUUIEEEHHH! – and her mind-blowing driver Gustav "Tobbi" von Blitzen should enable the "Fliewatüüt" (as the vehicle is affectionately known) to vanquish – TUFF TUFF TUFF – tiny-train night-runner Weselsky and his henchmen with that much more intensity. In the midst of the Whitsuntide parade, a timeless grandpa raves, dressed as a little white ship, calling out loudly: "I love elephants, you see, especially in china shops!" YEAH! Are you coming along? YEAH YOU!