goat (jp)

The warrior monk KOSHIRO HINO was just not feeling it on this particular morning. Four other sound lords, who had joined up with him the previous evening coming from Osaka, wanted to aid him in freeing the magical billy-goat from the claws of the dark magus Ye at Rodelberg: AKIHIKO ANDO, ATSUMI TAGAMI, RAI TATEISHI and AKIO JEIMUS were their names. „They‘re all still pretty damn green,“ Koshiro thought to himself. „But their powers are indeed promising.“ Yet why did the four have to hum and drum to themselves stoically the whole time like that, without pause? ARGH! Silence was normally his favourite companion. Koshiro cleared his throat. He hadn‘t spoken a word for days and now his voice sounded totally electronic. „Keep going, men. The dark magus Ye could hush more than just you if allowed to keep that magical billy-goat.“ 

Five seemingly endless years had passed in the Tottori Sakyū Desert, the interval since the fi rst booking enquiry in 2018 – SCHWENK! – when they fi nally discovered the threateningly steep faces of Rodelberg, where magus Ye was known to perform his mischievous deeds (usually on the chaotic basketball court down below). The time had arrived to do battle. „Prepare yourselves!“ the warrior monk ordered his brave companions. „This day today may make heroes of you yet.“ Alas, what awaited them was not of this world. Dark shadows crept from the ghetto-blasters and hissing audio peaks narrowly missed their grim faces. ZOING! The dark entity stood before a majestic throne of platinum and started spinning as they arrived: „I‘ve been expecting you!“ The being raised its hands and the world around the heroes vanished. A threatening silence enveloped them. Koshiro unsheathed his katana and sliced through the darkness. „Kanye?“ With a hum, his fi eld of vision lit up. The situation had changed radically: now the goats from the petting zoo weren‘t the only things in the hands of dark magus Kanye West – the sound lords were also under his power. „HAHAHA! IT‘S NOT FOR YOU!“ West, Ye or Kanye (names were now of zero importance) raised his glowing sceptre and rapped in an obscure rhyming slang of hate. Koshiro alone was able, just barely, to scramble to safety amid the hellish linguistic tumult, as he leapt aboard the white ship resting against the dock along the riverside hiking trail. He would have to return later. „It‘s all just a huge mess at the moment,“ he heard coming from amid the sails. The fi ght was not over, so it seemed… Would he be able to free his stoic, determined sound lords from all these crypto-Nazi samples, anti-Semitic bits and bytes and misogynous tracks? ZIP! – W-HUESCH! – ZOING! – YO! – AAARGH! – TAKE THIS! – BOSH!